Today was marginally productive. I took care of my responsibilities, I cooked food before it went bad, and “watched” new content. All in all, not a bad Sunday.
My third social engagement in a row was just what I needed. I often prefer chilling at a friend’s house, it was my primary method of socialization growing up, for many others too I’d imagine, yet in recent years, this past one as a result of Covid, it’s gone out of fashion. I think it’s time for a revival.
I think because of this down time with friends, I feel a renewed energy. The meditation I’m trying to keep up with is helpful too. Yesterday and today I feel more present in my life.
That’s not to say I haven’t made mistakes. I’ve been hungover twice in the past few days but hopefully I’m learning. Is it the same lesson over and over? Maybe but it bears repeating. Whether it’s chasing the high or getting caught up in the moment, there’s something I can learn about myself during these times of indulgence. What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to escape or feel alive? How can I best accomplish moderation? I really don’t want to give up drinking but really examining why I’m doing things will yield better results in the future. I don’t have to live in extremes. I can find balance.
And on that path to balance, I need to try not to stick to old habits. Like today. Watching Black Widow for the first time and what do I do? I got up to change a diaper and do a bunch of other things while not truly engaging with the movie. I insisted on not pausing either. I don’t know why I’m so against pausing. I’d rather miss out than prolong the experience I guess. Always concerned about the future than taking the time to enjoy the present. I wonder what’s that about.
I’ve been doing the same thing with Shang-Chi. I’ve at least seen it before, but my family hasn’t and watching Papa watch Marvel has been everything. I really wanted to show him this because I think a Chinese superhero would mean something to him. Representation is not just for kids. He doesn’t speak the language much anymore but he reads about Asian history and I just hope that seeing his culture (our culture) on the screen would be meaningful.
Today I have also shown success again in cooking. I made a kale burrata bruschetta of sorts. I found the recipe on Pinterest in 2015. I made it for my Magic Mike XXXL viewing party along with other treats. I made it so much in these past six years that I was able to make the whole thing from memory. Feels like a great accomplishment.
I’m going to try a new recipe too. A show I did years ago (Odd Couple if I’m not mistaken) mentioned London Broil and I’m going to give it a try. I got the cuts from my meat box a while ago but I finally feel inspired to make it.
Things have been hard. For a long time. But I feel like things may be taking a turn for the better. I need to take better care of myself. Look into self care as well as self maintenance. I can do it. I have done so in the past. I can do so now. Now if I can only watch a movie without walking away.
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